I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
