So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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