Cold hands, warm shart.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
