So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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