So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
