I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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