I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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