wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
