new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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