Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
