Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
