1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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