if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
