Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
