Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
