He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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