So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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