He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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