every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
