Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
