i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
