Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize