I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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