New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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