MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
