he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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