The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
