im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
