Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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