Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You're like the curious george of whores
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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