I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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