White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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