Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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