Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize