And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize