finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
