I just made out with a guy for $7.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
