Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
