ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
