I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
