omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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