That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
