My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
