apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
