I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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