i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
