What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
