Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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