brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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