I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
