umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
