She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
