I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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