Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
