i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
