Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
