i just had sex bonerless
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
