I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
