"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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