she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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