i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
