At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dick very happy bro
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize