I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
