He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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